Ways To Help Distant Grievers

9.12.2007

Grief hurts no matter what shape or form it takes. Grief hurts when it is close by or if the grief is the result of something far away like the grief those in South America are experiencing after Hurricane Felix.

So often those around the person who is grieving say they don’t know what to say or what to do - so they stay silent and / or distant avoiding the pain and suffering another is experiencing. We want to make the situation ‘all better’ but the reality is that we can not bring back the dead or find the home that has been blown into a million pieces or washed out to sea. We are powerless to make things the way they were.

However we are not powerless to help in times of grief. So often we jumble up the wanting to make things the way they were, with figuring out ways to be of help and support in the current circumstance. So we throw up our collective hands and we don’t know if there is anything that can be done.

The god news is, there are things we can do and say to help bring comfort and support. Here are some ways to be supportive when there is distant grief:

When the distant grief affects someone we know personally

1. Visit the person if they are local. You may not have any words that can make things better but a supportive appropriate physical gesture like a hug or comforting handshake can goes miles in letting the person know that there is someone who cares and tat they are not alone in thier grief.
2. If they are not local then call them and follow up with a sympathy card
3. Call your library or even the embassy and find out what is the local custom for supporting a person from that country when there is a grief associated situation. Is food appropriate? If so then what is a traditional dish? Then research the dish and prepare it for the family / household. Is there a token or gesture that si common like flowers, etc. This honors the the griever and the peroson who has died or suffering and gives those who are grieving a sense of homeland familiarity when so much is different in the current hosting culture.
4. Offer a international telephone calling card so when they can contact their loved ones they will have a phone call gift from you.
5. Offer to attend a memorial service in honor of their loved ones. This may be a formal memorial service or it may be informal in someone’s home. Attend just as you would in any other funeral or memorial service as a sign of solidarity with those who are grieving.
6. Offer to have the memorial service at your home if that is a possibility

If the person(s) who are grieving are not known to you.

1. Organize a collection of international calling cards from the community so the individuals who are distant grievers can request a gift telephone card to call home.
2. Collect sympathy cards that the community can offer those who are grieving.
3. Encourage / organize the community to have a memorial service in honor of all those who have perished or suffered in the tragic situation.
4. Prepare a dish for the reception that follows the memorial service.

These are just a few of the possibilities. Be creative and ask yourself what would be comforting to you if you were in a strange land and filled with sorrow and grief for loved ones far away. Then let your heart guide you! There are as many ways to be of shlp and support as there are willing hands and hearts.

COMMENTS WELCOMED!

Are you or have you been a Distant Griever? Do you know someone who is or has been a distant griever in the past?

Please share your thoughts and stories here on this blog.

All I ask is that everyone be respectful and sensitive of each other and that identifying information about a person who is not the author be limited to protect their privacy.

TOMORROW’S BLOG: Don’t know- guess we will all find out together!

Please let me know what your thoughts or experiences are with distant grief.

Peace and blessings

Terrie

www.trainforahurricane.com

Dr. Terrie Modesto, Critical Incident Thanatologist

International expert in dying, death, loss and critical incident individual and community disaster preparation and response, with over 60 courses, books and training manuals to her credit. She has 20+ years experience in assisting those in need. Dr. Modesto is available for consultations, lectures media interviews.

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